Mercury Retrograde & Relationships
When the messenger planet moves backward, our hearts learn to speak a different language
Mercury Retrograde & Relationships
When the messenger planet moves backward, our hearts learn to speak a different language
Table of Contents
Understanding Mercury's Language
The Astrological Mechanics
Communication Techniques
The Philosophy of Repetition
Integration and Practice
Riddle me this: what's one of the most important ingredients in a relationship? Sure, we have chemistry, we have passion—those are all essential. But one of the most crucial pieces of any relationship is communication. Mercury being the planet of communication makes it key when it comes to matters of the heart.
And right now, as Mercury stations retrograde, we're being asked to slow down and reconsider how we speak the language of love.
Mercury See, Mercury Do
One of the most important keywords for Mercury is mimicry. When we're very little and learning how to speak, we do so by copying our parents, our family members, the people around us. Even as adults, our speech patterns emerge from the slang we hear, the accents we're immersed in—communication is deeply rooted in mimicry.
Going back to kindergarten, when you're learning to write letters—tracing the letter A, the letter B—you're following a pattern laid out for you. Mimicry and repetition are essential parts of Mercury because that's how we learn to communicate.
This mimicry extends into our romantic lives as well. When someone shows us how they prefer to be held, or when they exhale with relief because we've perfectly reflected back what they've been struggling to express—this is the essence of connection. Since mimicry and repetition form the foundation of how we learned to communicate, they remain vital to our relationships. Embracing the opportunity for our partners and ourselves to hear something multiple times, and viewing it as a pathway to deeper understanding rather than an annoyance, becomes a beautiful way to work with Mercury retrograde—a period when themes naturally resurface and repeat.
Today, we're diving into Mercury retrograde, the art of repetition in relationships, and some intermediate astrological techniques. As always, I offer these perspectives as food for thought rather than cosmic commandments—astrology is a tool for reflection, not predetermination. Ready to explore?
The Three-Act Play of Mercury Retrograde (And How To Bring Your Astrology Practice to an Intermediate Level if You Haven't Yet!)
Most people think Mercury retrograde is just the three weeks when Mercury appears to move backward, but that's only the second act of a three-part story. Understanding the full cycle can transform how you navigate relationship challenges.
Pre-Shadow begins when Mercury first crosses the degree where it will eventually station direct. This is when the themes of the retrograde first emerge—often as subtle tensions, miscommunications, or relationship issues that feel familiar but hard to pinpoint.
The Retrograde is when Mercury actually moves backward, bringing these issues into sharp focus. Old arguments resurface, exes appear, communication breaks down in obvious ways.
Post-Shadow occurs when Mercury moves forward again, crossing that same degree where the pre-shadow began. This is integration time—when we apply what we've learned.
Here's how to track this in your ephemeris: Look up the current Mercury retrograde and note three dates—when it enters the pre-shadow degree, when it stations retrograde, and when it clears the post-shadow. Mark these in your calendar.
Mercury retrograde in Leo’s pre shadow period begins on June 30, 2025, the retrograde begins on July 18, 2025, it ends on August 11, 2025, and the post shadow period ends on August 25.
Mercury retrograde in Sagittarius and Scorpios pre shadow begins in Sagittarius on October 21, 2025, The retrograde begins in Sagittarius on November 9, 2025, the retrograde ends in Scorpio on November 29, 2025, and the post shadow period ends in Sagittarius on December 16, 2025.
If you had an argument during pre-shadow that felt particularly charged or confusing, it might resurface during the retrograde for deeper examination. The post-shadow period is when you get to practice new ways of handling that same dynamic. It's like getting three chances to master the same relationship lesson.
You can track this with your ephemeris. Note the degree Mercury was at on the date of a significant event during the pre shadow and find when Mercury will revisit that degree during the retrograde and post shadow period. This technique is intermediate astrology— so if you haven't deepened your practice yet, this is a brilliant way to start!
The Sacred Art of Reflection
Back in sixth grade, I was trained as a peer mediator. These were students who helped resolve conflicts between classmates—official intermediaries you could approach when you didn't want to involve adults. During our training, we learned something that would change how I understood communication forever.
When someone was upset and explaining their side of the story, we were taught to say, "So what I'm hearing you say is..." and then reflect back what they'd shared, but in our own words. This showed that we truly understood them.
Picture this: Person A says, "I feel angry and sad because you borrowed lunch money and haven't paid it back, and I really want to buy comics with it."
As the mediator, I would respond, "It sounds like you're frustrated because you lent money in good faith, expecting it to be returned, and now you can't get what you want. That doesn't feel good."
Sometimes they'd clarify: "Actually, this is the tenth time I've lent you money. It's not just that I'm upset now—this keeps happening."
The magic happened in that reflection. They could clarify if needed, or they could say, "Yes, that's exactly how I feel!" Simply feeling heard dissolved so much of the anger. Understanding someone—truly understanding them—is its own form of alchemy.
This technique becomes even more powerful in romantic relationships where the stakes are higher and emotions run deeper. But here's what I've learned: most of us are terrible at actually listening. We're waiting for our turn to speak, formulating our defense, or getting triggered by something our partner said three sentences ago.
Communication Repair Toolkit
When Mercury retrograde inevitably creates communication chaos in your relationship, here's how to repair:
The 24-Hour Rule: When a conversation goes sideways, give it 24 hours before trying to fix it. This gives both people time to settle and often provides clarity about what actually happened versus what you thought happened.
The Repair Conversation: Start with, "I want to repair what happened yesterday. Can we try that conversation again?" Don't rehash every detail of what went wrong—focus on understanding each other better this time.
The Assumption Check: "I'm making up a story that when you said X, you meant Y. Is that accurate?" This phrase can prevent hours of unnecessary conflict by addressing misinterpretations directly.
The Do-Over: Sometimes you need to literally start a conversation over. "I don't think that came out right. Can I try saying that again?"
The Acknowledgment: "I can see that I hurt you when I said that, even though it wasn't my intention. Tell me more about how it landed for you."
The Spiral of Repetition
Here's what happens in relationships: you have an argument. Then you have the same argument again. And again. You apologize for something, then find yourself apologizing for it again. It becomes this cycle of "How many times do I need to say sorry?" or "How many times must I explain myself?"
But when I think about Mercury and how mimicry, copying, and repetition are woven into its essence, I believe that accepting we will sometimes need to repeat ourselves can actually help relationships move forward.
I remember working as a bartender—someone would show me how to make a drink special once, then say, "Got it? Have fun!" And I'd think, "I caught maybe 80% of that." I needed to see it again because it's difficult to absorb something completely on the first try.
The same applies to emotional understanding. Sometimes hearing something once isn't enough.
But here's what most people don't realize: the quality of repetition matters enormously. Saying "I already told you this" with exasperation creates distance. Saying "Let me try explaining this differently" with curiosity creates connection.
The difference is whether we're repeating from a place of frustration or from a place of love.
Apology as Ritual, Not Transaction
If trust has been broken in your relationship, expecting a single "I'm sorry" to heal everything is perhaps wishful thinking. What if, instead, we approached healing like a practice?
Imagine someone saying, "I'm going to apologize now, but maybe I should make it a practice to say sorry every few days while we're still healing from this."
If someone has been unfaithful and their partner needs to hear that apology again, what if the response was, "Yes, I'm happy to say I'm sorry as many times as you need. We can hold each other and talk, and I can apologize again in a way that supports us both"?
This is more healing than leaving someone feeling they can't ask for reassurance again, or worse, having them met with, "But I already apologized for that."
When we make communication a practice—revisiting things that hurt us periodically—we create space for repair and fresh perspective. Each conversation offers new insight because we've had time to process, to sit with our feelings, to see things differently.
The Resistance to Repetition
I often hear people say, "I don't like to repeat myself." I understand this frustration—it's maddening to say something over and over to someone who won't listen, won't engage, or simply ignores you.
But here's the distinction: it's frustrating to repeat yourself to someone who doesn't want to listen, but it's a gift to repeat yourself to someone who genuinely wants to understand.
If you were training someone at work, would you show them a process once and expect mastery? If you're raising a child, would you explain something important just once and consider your job done?
The people worth repeating yourself for are the ones who are actually listening, who want to understand you, who care enough to get it right.
Mercury's Backward Dance
During Mercury retrograde, we're invited into the sacred space of repetition—to rephrase, revisit, and say things again. This isn't cosmic punishment; it's permission.
Permission to have that conversation one more time. Permission to ask for the apology you still need. Permission to clarify what you meant before.
If you need your partner to acknowledge something that happened in the past, ask for it. Say, "I know we've talked about this before, but I've been thinking about it again. When you apologize to me one more time, it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel cared for. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in this feeling."
These requests aren't weakness—they're invitations to deeper intimacy.
The Alchemy of Understanding
Mercury retrograde in matters of love teaches us that communication isn't about perfect transmission—it's about the willingness to keep trying, to keep reaching across the space between souls until true understanding blooms.
In a world that values efficiency above all else, choosing to say something again and again becomes a radical act of love. It's Mercury's gift to us: the reminder that we're all still learning how to speak the language of the heart.
During this retrograde, pay attention to what wants to be said again. Notice where you need more clarity, more reassurance, more understanding. Honor the spiral of repetition—it's not going backward, it's going deeper.
A Mercury Retrograde Exercise (More Intermediate Astrology — Fun!)
Journal Archaeology with Planetary Timing
During Mercury retrograde, old writings surface with new meaning. Here's how to use planetary cycles to identify which memories are most relevant to revisit right now.
Step 1: Choose Your Time Period Think of a significant period from the last year that you'd like to understand in a new way—maybe when a relationship began, ended, or shifted; when you made an important decision; or when you were processing something confusing.
Step 2: Check for Outer Planet Returns Using an ephemeris (astro.com's extended chart selection works well), look up the outer planets' positions during your chosen time period. Then check where Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are positioned right now. Have any of these planets retrograded back to or near where they were during your significant period? If so, you've found a cosmic echo.
Step 3: Look at Mercury's Current Role Note which house transiting Mercury is in your chart right now and what aspects it's making—both to your natal planets and to the current outer planets. Pay special attention to any outer planets that have cycled back to previous positions.
Step 4: Compare and Reflect Outer planets show us the bigger picture—the world we're living in and the generational themes we're navigating. Mercury is the intermediary between worlds, the planet of understanding and negotiation. Its current house placement and alignments will reveal themes to reflect on and possible developments in your life.
Compare the aspects the outer planets were making to Mercury then versus now. How has your thinking about this situation evolved? What new understanding is Mercury helping you negotiate?
Here's an example: I decided to pause and reimagine my Substack offerings in late January 2025. Back then, Pluto and Mercury were conjunct in Aquarius, with Pluto at 2 degrees direct. Now, Pluto is retrograde and back at 2 degrees and Mercury is in the opposite sign, Leo. This feels significant to me because I was in the dark about what exactly my new offerings on Substack would be (fresh starts and uncertainty about the future are typical feelings associated with conjunctions). Substack is a tech platform, and I deliver my writing electronically to my community on it—very Aquarian. This was all happening in my 1st house: my identity as an astrologer and horoscope writer was weighing heavily on my mind. The idea of not writing horoscopes was mind-boggling to me—it's been part of who I am for so long. But Pluto was there, nudging me toward transformation. It was time to move my paid offerings from horoscopes to something that felt more gratifying: live meetups. (I plan to do horoscopes again, but as free content, by the way!)
This was a really scary change for me (Pluto)—a scary message (Mercury) to deliver to my community (Aquarius). But now that Pluto has retrograded back to 2 degrees Aquarius, I understand everything in a whole new way. The change I made feels like a true transformation, not a loss. Mercury is now in Leo, opposing Pluto. Oppositions bring things to fruition; they bring new insight and clarity. I know now how I want to show up (Leo) to my audience (Aquarius), how I want to "be on stage" (Leo). I'm doing my live meetups, planning a free horoscope relaunch, and have lots of article ideas that I'm excited to publish in the coming months. With Mercury retrograde coming up, yes, I'm going to have to tweak and rework things. But I have so much more confidence and understanding about myself and what I want to offer the world.
Of course, there are also the more dramatic interpretations of Mercury opposite Pluto: power struggles, gossip and intrigue, confrontations with shady types. But this is why lived practice is so important to astrology. If all you consider are the salacious, exciting-to-read interpretations in books and websites, you miss out on the rich, nuanced interpretations that are evident in your own life. It was my full-time job for nearly a decade to write horoscopes for website with a massive audience. Being laid off, bringing my horoscopes to my own newsletter, then ending them (for now!) in less than a year was a hugely public and vulnerable situation—so illustrative of Pluto in the 1st house sitting with communication/writer planet Mercury. The opposition feels like a release from the fear of the unknown I faced when I made the decision to close the horoscopes.
Find journal entries from your chosen time period and read them as if you're reading about a friend. What were you longing for then that you have now? What patterns were you already noticing? What did past-you know that present-you might have forgotten?
Write a letter to your past self about what you've learned since then. Then write a letter from your past self to your current self—what wisdom was already there, waiting to be heard again?
What conversation is Mercury calling you to revisit? What words are asking to be spoken again?
With astral love,
Annabel
